Chapter Three The Conscience Celebration A Story about Moral Flourishing

Not everyone was on time for the Conscience Club meeting that Tuesday after school. Mr. Moore and Dr. Esse waited a while for the latecomers, including Aaron. While they waited, Jamie was telling about her summer vacation. She had gone to Arizona and seen the Grand Canyon, the Painted Desert and the Petrified Forest. She had earned a Junior Ranger's Badge at each national park. Her family loved national parks and Jamie always worked for a badge on every visit. To earn a badge she had to identify different things-- trees, flowers, rocks or animals in the park itself. Usually she had to write down some ways she could protect the environment. Also she had to visit the nature center or park museum to see some of the exhibits. At the Petrified Forest museum there was this exhibit Jamie wanted to tell Dr. Esse and Mr. Moore about. Jamie said, "In the Petrified Forest there are signs that tell people not to take anything from the park. I mean the signs are everywhere. But I guess some people don't obey them."

"How do you know that?" asked Mr. Moore.

" Well," replied Jamie, " because in the museum there is this exhibit called 'Conscience Rocks'."

"Conscience Rocks?" asked Dr. Esse. "What could those be?"

" They're rocks that people stole from the Petrified Forest --you know for souvenirs. They took them to their homes in different states and countries and kept them. One lady from Japan wrote that her husband had stolen a piece of petrified wood and kept it in his car for years and years. He became sick and died. She decided to return the rock to the park. She wrote that she felt guilty and she believed that the stolen rock brought bad luck to her family. She said she was sorry her husband had taken it."

" It sounds to me like you're already thinking about moral emotions and how people respond to them, Jamie," Dr.Esse said smiling. " But can we spend a little time on the conscience drawings some of the club members have done since last week? To get things started, let me show you one of the drawings I've collected from kids your age over the years."

Dr. Esse explained as she showed a slide on the projector, "It's a picture of a tape recorder with three sets of lips on it, the first smiling and telling the girl who did the drawing she did something good, the second neutral and telling her what to do, the third frowning and telling her she did something bad. The girl who drew this commented on her drawing, 'Kind of like a tape recorder...recording what you're saying and doing. It comes back, processes what you've said, decides what's the output...really like a machine because it changes. You could rewind it if you wanted to. When you're sleeping, it stops, unless you're having a dream. The process takes in information, analyzes it, and decides whether it's good or bad. You can't turn it down, but you can push it to the back of your mind and try to think of other things.'" Dr. Esse said she had more slides to show but she really wanted to see the club members' drawings first.

Jamie brought out her drawing. On one side, it was a nature drawing with mountain and forests and wild animals. On the other side, it was a picture of pollution in the sky and waters.

Keith showed a drawing of a square divided into four color-coded sections. He explained that one square represented evil, one good, another sad, and the last happy.

"Keith, how does this conscience work?" asked Dr.Esse.

Keith said, " If I'm wrong ...pain! 'That's wrong'. If I do something wrong, people would be mad. If I do something good, I'd feel proud of myself. I think 'Is that the right answer or not?' Maybe my teacher or my Tae Kwon Do instructor says 'yes' or 'no'. Sometimes my own mind says its right or wrong."

"Even more moral emotions," said Mr. Moore.

"Did you finish your drawing, Cynthia?" he asked. Cynthia had been more quiet than usual at the club meeting. She was debating with herself whether to bring up the other drawing, the one on the Fairchild's closet wall, during the club meeting today. She was relieved when she was asked for her own conscience drawing. Cynthia's drawing was done with changeable colored markers. I showed a girl's head. She had big green eyes. Her mouth could be a smile or a frown, depending on the changeable marker you used on it. In the middle of her forehead was a perfectly round blue face with a mouth shaped like an 'o'. On either side of the blue face there were words. On one side it read 'Be helpful', on the other, 'Be nice.'

Cynthia received lots of praise for her drawing. Even Aaron, who had finally made it, told her he really liked it. She thought she would have felt even better if she hadn't been thinking so much about the Fairchild's bedroom closet. Cynthia asked to see Aaron's drawing. At first Aaron didn't want to show it but after Mr. Moore and Dr. Esse encouraged him. He pulled a wad of paper from his jeans and unfolded it like pirates' map of buried treasure. Everyone gathered around as Aaron explained. "I got the idea from the canals and bridges in the Village. See here's the river and here are the canals. The river can be very fast and overflow its banks. Especially if there's a storm or when the ice melts in spring. When it floods that's like a bad thing in my conscience. In the canal the water can be controlled and go where you want it. That's mostly good. Here are some dams I added. The bridges let the people cross the canals to work the dams and check to make sure the river doesn't break the levy between it and the canal. If it does that would be like another bad thing and the people would have to cross over to repair it. That's like making it up when you've botched up something important to someone else." Aaron's picture also received praise. Mr. Moore said he thought Aaron's drawings showed how lively, colorful, flowing things sometimes can spill and cause damage but can also be directed if necessary.

Then Dr.Esse said she wanted to show some more slides. Cynthia recognized the first slide almost right away. It was the conscience drawing she had done a year ago! Actually she had drawn two pictures. In the first picture, she had drawn a picture of herself calling a friend "ugly" because she's mad at her. The friend is crying and saying, "no, I'm not." In the second drawing, the girls are friends again but another child has called Cynthia's friend "ugly." In the second drawing Cynthia is defending her friend. Cynthia tried to remember which friend she had in mind when she made that drawing. As hard as she tried, she couldn't decide who it was supposed to be. Aaron's old drawing was also in the slides. He had drawn something like a brain. Aaron said "Hey my drawing changed a lot in a year!" Cynthia thought so too. Then she remembered who the friend was in her drawing. It was Jamie.

" In the Conscience Study, what did you want to know about moral emotions?" Mr. Moore wanted to know.

Dr Esse paused a moment." First let me ask, do any of you know about Charles Darwin?"

Keith said, " He discovered evolution."

Someone else said " Yeah, survival of the fittest stuff."

" Yes, but he did some other things too. He lived in the 1800's. His father wanted him to be a clergyman but he was more interested in natural science. A person like that was called a naturalist. Darwin got out of school and didn't know what to do with himself. Then one of his old professors came along and asked him if he would like to take a trip around the world. Now, who could say no to that? The trouble was he had a girl friend. He told her he'd be gone a couple of years, but it ended up being five years. He took a five-year voyage on Her Majesty's Ship Beagle as the ship's naturalist.

" The Beagle," Aaron thought. " What a great name for a ship. Beagles are my favorite dogs."

"Darwin probably was chosen because he was a keen observer. He really had a good eye. He looked at everything...and made notes...and made big collections of things. If there had been baseball cards in his day he would have had the biggest collection around. During his voyage on the Beagle, he visited South America, the Galapagos and other Pacific Islands. He collected fossils and studied plants, animals and geology."

"Did he take any fossils or rocks he wasn't supposed to?" Jamie looked worried. She was thinking about the National Parks she loved to visit.

" I don't know... Back then I'm not sure anyone minded too much and he was a scientist allowed to collect things for studies. He didn't just look at rocks and fossils and birds and animals. He was a people watcher, too. A really good one. And since he didn't know languages, he watched faces. Everywhere he went, everyone expressed emotions the same way. They could be scared, happy, sad, mad, embarrassed, or ashamed. Anyway he observed people of different countries and cultures and he also observed the many children he had with his wife Emma Wedgewood. He published a book in 1872 just ten years before he died called The Expression of the Emotions in Man And Animals. Darwin wrote about his idea that emotions are pretty much alike across cultures and even among primates. He thought that animals like dogs could show shame or shyness but he thought only humans could express shame by blushing."

Aaron listened closely. He remembered how one of the puppies in the yard with the electronic fence seemed to be very bold but the other one seemed to shy away from anyone unfamiliar. He knew puppies could look very ashamed when they were scolded for being naughty.

Dr. Esse continued, "Have you ever been suddenly embarrassed and blushed? Then you know you can't control the blushing or the feeling of your ears and neck growing hotter and hotter. Because blushing is the result of activity in the Autonomic Nervous System, it cannot be controlled voluntarily. If you have a pale complexion, you know how other kids can have great fun at your expense commenting on how red your face becomes."

Keith felt himself start going red just then. He had begun to feel uncomfortable. Dr. Esse's talk about blushing made him think about getting called "pinky" last year. It started with those awful red gym shorts he had to buy. Keith hated gym to start with because he wasn't very skilled at sports and the other kids sometimes laughed at his clumsiness. But then there were those shorts. How was his Mom supposed to know they would bleed in the wash? They did and left all his underwear an unmistakably bright pink color. Keith was trying to stay as unnoticed in the locker room as possible. He tried to change quickly. He almost thought no one had seen that he was safe. But then, Eddie, who liked to bully people, came by, roughly pulled down Keith's shorts below Keith's knees exposing the pink underwear to everyone's view. Eddie started shouting to everyone to come see the boy in girl's underwear. Keith had wanted to die. It had been enough to get him to take self-defense classes at the Y. Funny thing; Keith had become very interested in martial arts of all sorts. He especially liked to collect Ninja weapons.

"Darwin thought that a shame response happened most often when a person is being blamed or maybe just thinks she is being criticized but it also could happen when receiving praise. As a boy, Darwin liked to be admired for how bold he was at climbing trees. He also liked to tell tall stories that made him seem grander. Yet he felt deeply ashamed and even held himself in contempt when he recognized he was being vain. Later on he would blame himself for the pleasure he took in the success of his books."

" He had a harsh conscience, didn't he?" asked Mr. Moore.

" Why? What made his conscience so hard on him?" Jamie wanted to know.

" Some think that Darwin's hard conscience came from losing his mother when he was 8 and then being raised by his elder sisters and father without much encouragement from them to grieve his loss. Any way he had a harsh conscience that never left him," Mr. Moore said. " Darwin was very opposed to slavery. One time when he was having dinner with his grown-up son, his son made an insensitive remark about slavery. Darwin became very angry. He pretty much told his son to get out and go back to his own home. But then he visited his son in the early morning and told him he couldn't sleep because he felt so badly about his anger. Anyway, in some people the shame response can be so intense it interferes with clear thinking. They become momentarily confused."

Mr. Moore asked, " If Darwin was beginning to write about the evolution of emotions at the end of the last century, then how come we didn't start studying them then?"

"In psychology people were paying attention to other things and ignored emotions. Some people didn't think emotions could be studied scientifically at all because they're too messy. Then years later, some other keen eyed scientists also studied people's faces and agreed with Darwin's idea that emotions and their expression are the same all over the world."

" When you were younger did you ever play 'Guess Who'?"

Jamie had played it many times with her sister Jessica when Jessica was too sick to get out of bed. Jamie raised her hand.

" How do you play it, Jamie?" Mr. Moore asked.

"It's a game where both you and your opponent pick have the same set of cards with faces on them. You each pick one without showing it to one another. Then you look at all the other faces on the cards and you try to guess which one your opponent picked. You get to ask one yes or no question each turn. Like ' Is it a man?' or 'Does he wear glasses?' The one who guesses right first wins."

" That's 'Guess who?', all right. Now suppose we try 'Guess Who?' with a little twist. Jamie, suppose I give you some pictures of faces and you pick one. Don't show me or anyone else which one. Now Aaron you take an identical set of cards. Now you pick one but you also keep it hidden. In this game you have to ask at least one yes or no question about emotions."

" You mean like 'Is the person sad?' Jamie asked to be sure she understood.

" Exactly, now Jamie you start."

" Well," Jamie asked Aaron, looking over her cards. " Is the person sad?"

Aaron looked at the card he had picked and, after a short while, said "No, I don't think sad. Now it's my turn. Is your person a man?"

"Yes," Jamie answered. Aaron put away all the cards of people weren't men. He still had seven cards to choose from. It was Jamie's turn.

" Is this person angry?" Jamie asked. She eliminated all but three cards.

" Yes," Aaron answered after he studied the face. "My turn. Is your person embarrassed?"

" Not really," Jamie said. " Is you person a woman?"

"Yes." Aaron said, " That was fast."

Some other kids tried the game too. Then they started to make faces at one another saying "Guess which emotion this one is?" Cynthia gave a great impression of being absolutely horrified, scared to death. Aaron acted as if he were completely broken hearted after his girlfriend broke up with him. Then in his best stage whisper he said " good riddance I'm free!" Then he said loudly, "Free! At last, I'm free!" he shouted with mock joy.

"These performances deserves Oscars. But let's settle down now." Mr.Moore said laughing, " I guess we can pretty much understand each other when we talk about emotions."

"Let's see some drawings of how the faces of human babies show different emotions." Dr. Esse showed another slide." Maybe you've seen a poster like this slide that shows the human face expressing different emotions. Emotions seem to have evolved with their own biology, as well. But it 's important to realize that we each react differently in our emotions to experiences. Something could make one person angry and another person sad and make still another person excited."

" Well, we know that all people, no matter what their cultures, have very similar emotions. What brings those emotions out for each individual is going to be somewhat different, but the look on his or her face and their experience of what is happening inside is pretty much the same. There may be only ten kinds of emotion. But each kind has countless shades and hues and these can be mixed with other emotions, too. So we have joy and interest --you might have to think about that one awhile, but it might help to think about being excited, that's a kind of interest, isn't it? And being excited is pretty emotional, really. Then there's surprise. Surprise clears the brain of thoughts and other feelings. It gets you ready for something new. Of course we know some negative emotions, too: like distress, anger, disgust, contempt, fear, shame and guilt."

"You can see a lot of disgusted looks in the cafeteria at lunchtime," said Keith, looking down his nose to show contempt.

" Yeah and around Keith when he passes gas," someone snickered. Keith reddened. Others laughed. Mr. Moore glared again. He looked angry just then. Then Cynthia thought Mr. Moore looked a little ashamed that his class was being crude in front of his guest. Whatever he was feeling he didn't say and he didn't show it for more than a moment or two.

" People learn how to hide or disguise their emotions, sometimes even from themselves. Have you ever heard an argument between two people when one says 'You look angry,' and the other one denies it?" asked Dr. Esse.

Cynthia immediately thought of her parents. Those arguments ended with everyone getting angry but only admitting it later.

"So which are the moral emotions?" Mr. Moore asked. " I would guess fear of punishment, shame and guilt would be. Are there others?"

" Any of the emotions could become aroused by things we think of as good or bad, right or wrong. Think how often we enjoy praise for having done something good."

Cynthia said, "Jamie's picture makes me think how disgusted I get when someone pollutes the environment." Jamie looked up at Cynthia. She was both surprised and pleased that her drawing had moved Cynthia.

"I got really mad with some kids hurting puppies, I was furious." Aaron said, "Was that a moral emotion?"

"Probably," said Dr. Esse, " What do you think?" Aaron just shrugged, sat down but looked puzzled.

"Besides all the emotions you've mentioned, I want to say one more thing. Each person wants to feel good and think of himself or herself as a good person. It's a combination of feeling and thinking. It's like a set point on a thermostat in your home. If the temperature goes to high or too low from the set point, on goes the heating or cooling system. At least some moral emotions can make us so uncomfortable that we have to respond. Sometimes we respond in our own defense. Sometimes, when we know we've done something wrong or bad, we try different ways to repair the damage or heal the hurt."

" What questions did you ask the kids to find out about moral emotions? And what did you find out?" asked Mr. Moore.

" Well, the questions we asked to find out about moral emotions began with:

When you've done something good, what happens on the inside of you? How does it show on the outside?

After that we asked the same thing when something wrong is done:

When you've done something morally bad, what happens inside and outside? How does your body express these feelings?"

Cynthia was about to burst; she wanted to say something so badly. She waited for Dr.Esse to finish her sentence, then said, " I really have strong feelings in my body when I' ve done something wrong. I feel my face get hot. My hands are sweaty. My heart beats fast."

Keith said, " My stomach starts to ache. I start feeling sick."

"Do you, Keith? Really?" Cynthia seemed to see Keith for the first time.

" Yeah," Keith said. " I'm glad I'm not the only one."

"Yeah me too-- and later on, I feel guilty inside," added Cynthia.

"So what happens outside when you've done something wrong, Cynthia?" asked Dr. Esse.

" People notice I spend more time in my room," Cynthia said, " And I don't have as much energy to do things with friends. That can go on and on."

"That sounds like some of the things we heard from lots of the kids in the study," said Dr. Esse.

"It doesn't sound like me," declared Aaron, " I don't have those feelings at all--well not very often, anyway. And mostly when I know I've done something wrong, I just want to say I'm sorry and do what I have to do to put it right. Then I want to think about something else. You know, talk to friends about sports and stuff. Does that mean I really don't have a conscience?" Aaron was trying to be nonchalant as he asked the question, but Cynthia thought he seemed worried about the answer he might hear. In fact Aaron had once overheard some words his mother said to his stepfather once when she was very angry about something Aaron had done. She had said, " He doesn't seem to feel guilty when he's done something wrong. He just doesn't show a lot of remorse."

Dr. Esse said, " You know, I think all people experience emotions, but some experience certain ones more deeply than others. Other people get more quickly moved to action. Also, some people are just better at describing their emotions than others. And when it came to physical sensations like a galloping heart beat, or a churning stomach, or a throbbing headache inside when a person had done something wrong, some of the kids we studied didn't have a lot to say. I think some people don't have such strong sensations. The important thing to remember is that having physical sensations or having a lot of emotions and knowing how to describe them aren't absolutely necessary to become a good person. Still, moral emotions and what we do with them are awfully important in conscience.... But, Aaron, didn't you start to tell a story about a kid tormenting some puppies?"

" Yeah," I was so mad I couldn't see straight. I was shaking so hard, I couldn't aim--" Aaron stopped and looked sort of ashamed of himself. He shifted from foot to foot, and looked away from everyone. He finally continued, " I was so mad I picked up a rock to throw at that little kid."

" O.K. we can talk about what you were going to do later, if you like. Right now, I would like for you to remember how your body felt when you were experiencing your moral outrage," Dr. Esse said.

The kids were surprised. Most of them had been told that throwing rocks was wrong. They thought Aaron would surely be scolded and they would all be reminded about the rules. Jamie liked the words "moral outrage." She was glad Dr.Esse was talking about that instead of scolding Aaron. In fact she thought that maybe that little kid had it coming for being cruel to an animal. Aaron found a few words to describe the way he felt at the time, "tensed up" he said. He kept saying how unfair it was for the kid to coax the puppies into the invisible fence where they would be shocked.

"So you see Aaron, you have moral emotions. The ones you experience most strongly are different than Keith's or Cynthia's. Also the triggers for your moral emotions - what gets them started or sets them off- might be different than theirs," Dr.Esse explained.

" Well, I guess its True Confessions time. I was going to really let that kid have it," said Aaron.

" Did you throw the rock at him, Aaron?" asked Jamie. " I wouldn't blame you if you did." She was still indignant about the puppies.

" No, I waited too long and lost my aim," explained Aaron. "Anyway I would have been in big trouble if I had hurt the kid. I'm not supposed to throw rocks."

"That sounds like a rule to me," said Mr. Moore. "I think we could use that as an example when we talk about the do's and don'ts that come from our moral values."

" O.K.," said Aaron. "Hey, this is kind of neat talking about what we did wrong without getting punished for it but- well sometimes I feel better to tell what I did and take my punishment. Then it's over."

Mr. Moore nodded, "There's another story about Darwin when he was a boy. Mostly he was a very humane person but once he was cruel to a puppy. He said he beat the puppy. The memory bothered him a lot - so much that he remembered the exact spot where it happened and, to his shame, would be reminded of his misdeed everytime he passed that spot."

Aaron wondered if Dr.Esse was thinking the same thing he was thinking. He asked " Why was Darwin cruel to the puppy?"

Mr. Moore said " I don't know but when he was older he thought maybe it was because he enjoyed having power over the puppy."

Cynthia wished she were more like Aaron and not spend so much time worrying about being good. She knew what he meant about feeling better when she confessed. She did that in church. She decided that it was now or never for telling about her recent experience at the Fairchild's. She worked up her courage and then spoke up. She told how Michael had drawn on the closet wall and how she couldn't bring herself to tell the Fairchild's what had happened when they came home. She was able to forget all about it over the weekend, during her birthday trip. She hesitated when she realized that Jamie was listening as she mentioned her trip. Cynthia wished she'd left that part out. But Jamie didn't seem upset, so Cynthia continued her story. She said she started thinking about it off and on, Sunday after church. At first she wondered if the Fairchilds had discovered Michael's drawing. Then she wondered and sort of hoped that they thought it was an old drawing he'd done before she babysat. Then she wondered if Michael told them it was his Conscience Drawing. At that Dr. Esse laughed and said, " I wish I could see that drawing and ask Michael to tell about it." Cynthia really wanted some advice as to what to do--should she tell the Fairchild's? Aaron just shook his head. "You didn't do anything, Cynthia!"

Cynthia was grateful to Aaron for saying that. Still she wasn't sure. All this conscience business was so...so...then Cynthia laughed and said, "Little Cathy really meant it when she told her doll 'Cynthi's vexed'. Look at me. I'm still vexed!"

Then Jamie said, " I know what Cynthia means. She thinks she was responsible."

Cynthia was about to ask Dr. Esse what she thought when Mr. Moore said they had to stop because parents needed to pick up the kids from The Conscience Club on time. As he wrote something on the board he said "Let's think about this question between now and next time." The question read:

When you have gone against your conscience and you do something wrong or bad, what do you do to make things right?

As they filed out of the room, Dr. Esse said, " Cynthia, I will be very interested to hear what you decide to do."

Jamie came up to Cynthia after the meeting. " Is your Mom or Dad going to pick you up, Cynthia?"

"No, it's still light out so I can walk home," Cynthia answered. " How about you?"

" I'm walking home, too," Jamie said. " Want to walk together?"

"O.K." Cynthia said.

They walked together in silence for awhile. Cynthia wasn't sure how to start a conversation with Jamie. It was odd because they had been best friends last year. But Jamie had changed and became less and less friendly. Cynthia wasn't sure why. Maybe Jamie wasn't sure either. There had been some pretty big changes in Jamie's life when her older sister, Jessica, became very ill. They found out she had leukemia. Jessica was sick a lot, often very weak and suffering lots of pain. Jamie tried her best to help out either in Jessica's care or keeping up the house. Jamie's mother often praised her for being thoughtful and considerate. Jamie's parents often had to travel the long distance to the children's hospital so that Jessica could have the treatments she needed. Sometimes Jamie went with them. Sometimes she stayed at home. But whether she went or not, it seemed to her that all the attention was being paid to Jessica. She told herself it was wrong to feel this way but she missed the attention she had once had as the youngest member of her family. She started having unkind and even hateful thoughts about Jessica. Only she was ashamed of the thoughts and kept them to herself. Then in October of last year, Jessica's condition became very serious. She had to go into the hospital for more treatments. They didn't work. Jessica 's condition became worse and worse. Everyone in the family including Jamie traveled to the city and gathered together in the hospital. Jamie hoped to get a chance to talk to Jessica, but Jessica wasn't able to respond to anyone. Then she died. Everyone in the family grieved. Jamie didn't even realize how close she and her sister had been until after Jessica had died. It hurt a lot. Jamie and her parents did their best to comfort one another. They prayed and remembered Jessica together, and in some ways they became even closer as a family. It helped to tell each other out loud all the things they wished they had had a chance to tell Jessica before she died. The trouble was that Jamie also remembered her unkind and hateful thoughts about Jessica. Perhaps, she thought about them too much. And, because she was ashamed to tell anyone about them, she didn't find out until later that it's natural for kid sisters and brothers of very ill children to have some unkind thoughts about them. And, sometimes a person doesn't get a chance to say how much they love or care or how sorry they are for the wrongs they have done to someone else before she dies.

Cynthia found what she wanted to say to Jamie, " I'm sorry your sister died."

Jamie said, " Thanks." Then she added, "We still think about her a lot."

Cynthia thought she saw some tears welling up in Jamie's eyes. She looked away from her friend and said, " I wish we could be better friends."

Jamie looked puzzled, " What do you mean?"

Cynthia said, "I don't know. Last year, you weren't much fun to be around. You didn't want to do stuff and you were pretty crabby. I guess I started staying away from you."

Jamie laughed a little nervously, " I don't blame you. Sometimes I didn't want to be around me either."

Cynthia said, " I' ve never had someone in my family get very sick and die. "

" It never happened to me before," Jamie said. " It was pretty hard on everyone. Mom was always awake at night and always tired. Everyone tried to be nice. I know I did. But sometimes Jessica was mean to me so I felt like being mean to her. Sometimes I didn't care if she was dying and I told her so. Then my Mom would say, 'Jamie that's enough ugly behavior'. Of course, she never punished Jessica 'cause she was dying."

"I thought you and Jessica were pretty good friends, I mean for being sisters."

"Yeah, I guess so. We did fun things together before she got so sick. Especially on vacation. Once we went to a pueblo in New Mexico and visited a family that made pottery. They let Jessica and me make our own clay animals. Jessica made a bear. She was really proud of it. She said she'd kill me if I even looked at it. I forgot all about it. Then after Jessica was so sick, one day she just gave it to me as a present. So now I have something that helps me remember her."

" That's good," said Cynthia. She wanted to say more but decided to be quiet instead.

Jamie, too, was quiet for a moment as they walked. " Cynth, would you like to come over and see the pottery Jessica and I made?"

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