The Conscience Celebration

"It's not like he meant to kill someone," said one of the kids visiting the lockers by the room where the Conscience Club was beginning to gather.

Someone else disagreed. "That doesn't matter," she said. "He should be expelled for bringing it to school."

"As if!" a third kid passing by exclaimed. " He's just a geography geek anyway--so what's the big deal?"

"Hey don't you know he's supposed to be the school champion? He's going to compete in the township tournament."

"Not if he's expelled," the response was as the voices receded down the hall.

Inside the classroom, Cynthia and Jamie were standing behind the door, straining to overhear this snatch of conversation. "Who are they talking about? Who's in trouble now?" They both wondered.

Dr. Esse and Mr. Moore had not yet entered the classroom. They too were out in the hall, empty now except for them. Mr. Moore peeked into the classroom to assure himself that he was out of earshot of any of the students. He didn't notice Cynthia and Jamie who had not returned to their seats and now gave each other a quick conspiratorial look, as they remained concealed behind the door to eavesdrop on Dr. Esse and Mr. Moore.

"I don't know what to do," began Mr. Moore. " The consequence for carrying a weapon to school is supposed to be immediate expulsion. Probably people would be less upset if the High School gym hadn't been deliberately set on fire last week. That's the third arson attempt in a year. The principal of the middle school wants to take a hard line."

"Aren't you on the student probation committee or something like that?" asked Dr. Esse.

"Yes and I may have some influence there but, you know I'm not sure which is the right way to use it. Keith's my best student and was going to represent the school in the geography tournament."

"Keith!" gasped Cynthia and Jamie. Jamie whispered, " I can't believe it. Aaron I could understand but Keith bringing a gun to school?"

"What's this?" Mr. Moore demanded as his face appeared from the other side of the door from the girls. Cynthia thought his face was frightfully close and terribly angry looking. " Have you two been eavesdropping? I'm ashamed of you both."

Cynthia, just how or why, she raised her eyes to meet Mr. Moore's gaze and said firmly, " I admit we were eavesdropping, Mr. Moore. And we shouldn't but we care about this. Keith's one of the Conscience Club. We want to know what's going on."

"What's going on is that Keith brought a martial arts weapon- not a gun- to school and that's against the rules. If he isn't expelled, he'll be suspended," Mr. Moore explained.

"Keith wouldn't hurt anyone," Cynthia said. " Why should he be expelled or even suspended. Shouldn't he be given a warning first?"

"That will be decided by the principal," Mr. Moore answered. "Rules are rules you know."

"Which, by the way, is today's topic for discussion." Dr. Esse interrupted. "Has anyone seen one of those billboards around town, the ones that say 'Thou Shall Not Kill?" There were some nods as the kids settled down to listen. " Maybe like me you wondered who put that billboard there--a religious group, the city government, a private citizens' group? I remembered reciting that commandment along with the nine others in Sunday-school class. At the time it was mostly an exercise in speed and memory. Well what do you think was the reason someone put up the signs?"

Jamie said, " It's about people including children having guns, that's what my Mom said."

"Really?" Cynthia said. "I thought it was against abortion."

"Uh- uh," said another " It's about police brutality."

"I remember when it was about war," said Mr. Moore quietly. Cynthia remembered her father saying that Mr. Moore had served in Vietnam. Her father did too. Sometimes, but not very often he would talk about it. He seemed to read more than he talked about it. " Still trying to understand it," he'd say if Mom asked why he was reading about Vietnam. Cynthia had never heard Mr. Moore talk about his personal experiences during the war. He liked to talk about the culture and geography of Vietnam, though. " Maybe it's about ethnic cleansing, now," Mr. Moore added.

"It could be about animal rights," Aaron said as he joined the group, as usual, a little late.

"Since I was driving on the interstate during rush hour at the time I saw it, I thought how it might be reminding myself and other drivers to be alert to traffic flow and the rules of the road to avoid accidentally killing one another," Dr. Esse mused. Aaron thought about the day he would be able to drive--only three more years. He hoped the speed limits would be much higher by then. " Anyway, each of us has thought of a way the Commandment- the rule- Thou Shall Not Kill might be meant to apply. And we might not all agree when the rule is meant to apply and when it isn't. But suppose I ask you what are your best reasons for following this Commandment or rule, what would you say then?"

Cynthia was first to speak. " You shouldn't kill because it says so in the Bible."

Someone else said, " You shouldn't kill because you would go to prison or get the death penalty and then you wouldn't have control of your life."

Jamie said, "That's true but what if you were pretty sure they wouldn't catch you?"

Aaron said, "You shouldn't kill because everyone has a right to life-"

Jamie added, " - and we need to live with each other and protect each other."

"So, different reasons can be given for following- or not following- this rule. In fact you may have several different reasons at one time. In our study, you told us about reasons that had to do with authorities you wanted to obey, that had to do with how you were obliged or responsible to yourselves and that had to do with how you were obliged or responsible to others. Authorities, self and others: they form a triangle of relationships with each person through his or her conscience. The other thing we learned from you is that there are different reasons given for following rules at different ages. That didn't surprise us because Lawrence Kohlberg had already studied the stages of moral reasoning in children. We found that children under age seven with external consciences thought that rules belonged to grown-ups, or if they were religious, to God. They thought that what belonged to them were the consequences for obeying or not obeying the rules. As children grow up, they begin to use their thinking power to construct rules. They still just memorize some but they make other rules based on their own experiences or what they see happens to other kids around them. So one child told us her list of do's and don'ts included 'Don't write in library books'. We asked her why she had that 'don't'. She said, 'The lady in the library said not to.' Another child told us ' I did that once and had to stay in from recess and erase it.' Still another child told us a story how a boy in her class scribbled all over a big important book and got in big trouble."

Listening to Dr. Esse talk about kids scribbling in books reminded Cynthia that she had some unfinished business at the Fairchild's where there was scribbling on the closet wall. Then she thought to herself. " What are my best reasons for telling Mrs. Fairchild about Michael's drawing in the closet, especially now after so much time has gone by? I can think of good reasons for not telling, but I do feel bad not telling. Hey, Cynthia, get a life! There are more important things to worry about... all the stuff we've been talking about today, Keith- I wonder if conscience can get in the way of doing the right thing?" Cynthia put her head in her hands and shook it. " What a headache you can give yourself thinking about right and wrong."

Dr. Esse was still talking as Cynthia's thoughts wandered. " Of course now the child at the Brain or Heart stage has not only rules owned by parents but also rules owned by herself. She made them because of her experiences. And she usually doesn't make exceptions. There's never a reason to lie or be nice or not mind your parents, unless it's fun. Also we think that at this stage kids believe grown-ups are meant to protect and teach children, so kids should do what grown-ups say."

"Then along about 11 or 12 comes a change in conscience, remember how it becomes more like a person inside? Well, at the same time that the conscience goes deeper inside and becomes more like a person, 'a rule is a rule is a rule' is no longer the rule."

"What do you mean? That 's confusing me," said Aaron.

"Well, an older child understands that 'clean your room', 'help with the dishes', and 'feed the cat' are really specific examples of a rule about the rights and responsibilities between himself or herself and his or her parents. What's the rule?"

Aaron said, "I really don't know."

"It might be that parents have the right to see that kids grow up to be responsible by giving us chores," said Jamie. " They want us to be organized and responsible--and helpful."

"How do you know that, Jamie?" asked Dr. Esse.

"They keep telling me so," said Jamie.

"Sometimes Jamie might not follow her Mom's instructions to feed the cat. Or she might do it only after grumbling a lot--or she might insist that it's someone else's turn, believing that it is also an important rule to share chores. But she would also understand that her parents have the right to teach her something about responsibility while she is entitled to express her thoughts and feelings about the rules within the relationship between her and her mother. Jamie could also look behind the rule to find the values of her parents. ' It's good to be organized' or 'it's good to be responsible' are values. Sometimes there is a conflict between different values, between two rights and not between a right and a wrong at all."

"We had another example just a few minutes ago. Cynthia and Jamie know the rules about eavesdropping and, more importantly, the consequences for eavesdropping include being scolded by someone whose opinion of them really matters. So it's wrong to eavesdrop, but if they do by chance overhear something about a friend not intended for their ears, is it better to pretend they didn't hear it or to speak up because they're concerned-- even though that means they admit to eavesdropping? They care about another member of the Conscience Club and that conflict in values changed the rules."

"Hmm. Would you like another example, Dr. Esse?" asked Mr. Moore.

She said," Yes, certainly."

"I was thinking of how I had just told the kids 'Rules are rules.' Then I remembered when I was only 16 and it seemed right to question the rules. I knew that in a few years, I might be called to serve in a war I didn't think was right. I thought most of the grown-ups in my life were like my parents and believed a person should serve whether he agreed with the war or not. After all they had been through World War II when people didn't question so much whether they should serve or support the war. During the Vietnam War, there were lots of 18 year-olds who were against serving. They were going to Canada or going to prison instead of the armed forces. Some had very strong convictions that war is always wrong or that the Vietnam War was an especially unjust war. There were some grown-ups who didn't think the war was right either. Still my mother had always taught me to obey the laws of my country. I think she valued loyalty. But she wanted to make an exception when it was her own son who might have to go to war. So then she had to think about all the other women in her community who had sons who were being drafted. It made her question the rules she lived by. I was really surprised when I turned 18 and my mother offered to pay my way to Canada. She had decided that that was the right thing to do."

"Seems like both she and you were taking a hard look at the rules," Dr. Esse nodded. " Rules exist in relationships and there are rules for relationships. Huck Finn learned something in his relationship with Jim that changed the rule about returning runaway slaves. You learned something from others and your mother learned something about her relationship with you that changed the rules, or at least which rule comes first. But you decided to serve anyway, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I didn't call it a value triangle at the time but that was what it was. There were authorities including the law of the land, my mother and that Commandment, Thou Shall Not Kill, all at odds with one another it seemed to me. There were values about myself, of course: to survive, but also not to be seen as a coward, to test myself and to respect myself by facing my fears. I think I also saw the war as an adventure. I just wanted to know first hand what was going on. There were also values about others. I asked myself what about all the other guys my age that couldn't escape the draft? If they served, shouldn't I? What about the Vietnamese? Shouldn't they decide what government they would have without us interfering? But what about helping stop the war so that other guys younger than me wouldn't have to go- and did that mean going or protesting?"

"So how did you decide what to do?" Aaron wanted to know. So did everyone else.

"Well in a way I was lucky. By the time I was 18, there were so many people against the war, because they were persuaded by others who had strong convictions that the war was wrong, or because they had been there or were parents or friends of parents with children who still might have to go. Anyway, the government was under lots of pressure to negotiate a peace settlement. So it looked like the war would eventually end. In the meantime there were still a lot of troops over there that needed support as they waited their turn to come home. I decided I would go and be a medic there. My mission would be to provide medical support to troops who were being sent home. That made sense to me. I could feel O.K. about my decision and balancing all those obligations in my value triangle."

Dr. Esse commented, " Mr. Moore was older than you are when he had to do his balancing act. He was questioning authority and deciding how much to rely on authorities outside himself. He also had to choose which among his values would guide his decision whether to go to war or not. He had a conflict in values between what was right and what was more right as well as between what was right and wrong. Not easy choices."

Everyone was silent for a little while, maybe wondering about moral issues they would have to face later in their lives. Cynthia was the first to break the silence, "How do you know you aren't just being selfish when you're doing a good thing for yourself?"

"Tell us more about the question you're asking, Cynthia," Mr. Moore responded. " It sounds like an important one."

"Well, you didn't want to die in a war but you also didn't want people to think you were a coward and you wanted your Mom to think you were a good person--I don't know what was selfish and what was good for you, even if it was against the law to refuse to go. I guess I don't get these self values."

"Each human being is an individual as well as belonging to a community. Sometimes an individual understands better than the community what is for the good. As individuals change their minds about what's for the good, then the rules in the community also change, sometimes very gradually, sometimes faster if there is a very exceptional individual who steps forward to lead others in making the changes", Mr. Moore explained.

"Like Martin Luther King?" asked Jamie.

"Yes, like King or Gandhi or Florence Nightingale or Susan B. Anthony or Elizabeth Cady Stanton or Bela Abzug-" Mr. Moore began.

"Or Christa McCauliffe, " Cynthia said. Mr. Moore smiled. Like Cynthia, he was inspired by the courage of the first civilian astronaut who had been a teacher like himself- even taught social studies like himself. His class had been watching the launch of the space shuttle Challenger, following its pathway across the sky when it exploded. He would never forget that. Sometimes, he thought, in the face of terrible and remarkable events experienced together, like the Challenger, people of all sorts come together and share their feelings but also take out their values to look at them good and hard. Then he thought of a time when people were anything but united.

"Other persons may see changes are coming and even agree with them, but work to keep the community together-- like Lincoln tried to do with this country before and during the Civil War."

"Wait Mr. Moore, you're talking about people who had reached the highest moral stage and even went on beyond conscience. Let's go back a few steps," Dr. Esse cautioned.

Aaron laughed, " 'On Beyond Conscience?' That sounds like a Dr. Seuss book!" " Hmm, it does, doesn't it ?' Dr. Esse mused. " Maybe we will get back to that subject later."

"Well, I'm curious about what you mean," Mr. Moore said.

"Later then we can talk about On Beyond Conscience. Right now I want to go back a little. Very young children told us about their first Self-Values like ' Having fun is...just being a kid...it's what you're supposed to do.' They recognized a basic right to enjoy themselves in a safe environment. At stage two, a child makes rules with an idea of what is most fair to herself. Cynthia, that child might be called selfish when she tries to get around rules that others make--she makes exceptions to make things better for herself. But learning to make exceptions to rules for her will also allow her to make exceptions for others later on. Next, in the Brain/Heart conscience stage Self Values have to do with succeeding, doing the best she can and earning a good reputation."

"You should hang out with the good crowd so you have a good rep. If you hang out with the type of people that do drugs and stuff, they're gonna think you do it even if you don't because you hang around those people," one boy in the back said.

"That's true," Cynthia said. " But kids sometimes spread all kinds of lies and gossip about other kids."

"Some kids want a bad rep," added Jamie. " They think it's cool, but then they aren't really doing the stuff they want people to think." Cynthia and Jamie both looked at Aaron. He just glared right back at them. Dr. Esse and Mr. Moore pretended not to notice.

Aaron changed the subject. "What about friends? Are their Friend Values ?"

"You bet. And Sister and Brother Values too. As we grow up we move from playing alone, to being interested in somebody else's stuff, to being interested in somebody else, to wanting to share and cooperate with friends - and maybe even sisters too- in order to have fun and company. We become less self centered."

Cynthia said, " I know one thing. It can be really frustrating trying to play a game with a three year old."

She told about a time when Michael insisted on playing a game of chess with her. He said his Dad taught him how. "Show me how to move the pieces, Michael," she had said. Very seriously he showed her how he thought the knight moved. It was way too strange with a double loop in the air, something like Aaron skateboarding off the curb. Cynthia knew it wasn't right. Then Michael showed her again. The second time was very different from the first time. The knight had to do a little somersault before it landed. She laughed and said he changed the move. He said he didn't change it and he knew it was right because Dad said so. Then Cathy toddled over and took Michael's Queen away to chew on. That ended the game right there when Cynthia had to keep Michael from hitting his sister. "We'd better put this game up for now, Mike," she said, making up a new rule " If we can't play nicely with one another, we won't play at all."

"Little children Michael's age experience rules about playing as coming from grown-ups. When they say 'That's the right way' they are serious and they say that's the way it's always been, but then the right way changes willy-nilly however they want it to change. There were other games, different from chess, going on too, between Michael and Cathy-- like, who would have Cynthia's attention. Michael's still learning to share with Cathy. After all she's the newcomer. He has yet to grow out of the stage when he says ' I hit my sister because she hit me first.'"

"Let's go ahead a few years. One older child said that his rule was to be friendly. We asked him what his best reason for being friendly was. He said because people want to be liked and respected. He said if a person doesn't have friends that respect him , he's a-nobody...a-wannabe...a-dork. Someone else told us he stopped a friend from getting into trouble. Why? Because he knew his friend would be grounded and then couldn't play anymore. He said he liked going to his friend's house a lot."

"Isn't that still sort of selfish?" Cynthia asked.

"I think it is, but it's also a step beyond being interested in just himself."

"As kids grow up, they find that a friend is no longer just someone to have. Friends are people with whom we share memories. We have a history together. We come to expect to enjoy a friendship with certain persons in certain ways. To keep our friendships going we become more aware of our friends' needs and wishes and feelings and even values. We expect our friends to do the same."

Cynthia and Jamie glanced at each other at the same time and smiled shyly as if to say 'She's talking about us, isn't she?'

Dr. Esse continued, "One child told us, ' Once I wanted to give a friend a present . I couldn't think of what to give her 'cause my Mom wouldn't let me buy anything. So I sort of looked around. I couldn't decide 'cause I was choosing from all the things that I didn't really want. So my conscience helped me there 'cause I picked this one little thingy that I got at McDonald's. It made me feel pretty good since I found something good to give her-"

"McDonald's? Yuck. I used to like their stuff for kids. My sister Rachel still does,'' Cynthia interrupted. " She always wants to go to McDonald's just to get the toys."

Jamie asked, " So what did the kid think of her present?"

"Well, that child told us her friend was pretty surprised because her friend didn't go to McDonald's and hadn't seen that toy."

"So the child you interviewed had gone on beyond just wanting to have a friend, any friend at all, to thinking about what might please her special friend ?" asked Mr. Moore.

"I think so. Oh there are all kinds of changes going on. Remember we talked about empathy? At the Brain/Heart conscience stage, empathy kicks in and make the reasons for following rules take a new shape. One child told how she was unhappy that her friend was tested but didn't make it into a gifted program at school. She wanted to be with her friend, but there was something else she couldn't quite put in words, maybe that she was aware of her friend's disappointment."

"Does anyone remember the Golden Rule?" Dr. Esse asked.

"Yeah, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'," Aaron was the first to answer.

"Right, Aaron," Dr. Esse continued. " Only kids at different conscience stages understand it differently. At the Brain/Heart stage, it's mostly about taking turns and something like 'If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you' or 'If you share with me, I'll share with you'. Then gradually it begins to have a different meaning. Like one child who told us her best reasons for being nice to people- she said: ' I'm nice to people whenever they are nice to me.'

"That's not really different than the other kids we've talked about," Aaron said doubtfully.

"Yes, it doesn't sound different so far, does it, Aaron? But she added something else. She said, ' Sometimes I'm nice when they're mean to me.'"

"O.K. that's different," Aaron agreed.

"Or, take another child's answer to the question 'What do you do when your little sister bugs you?' She said ' I just ignore her when she gets on my nerves.' Now that's different, at least a little, from trying to keep everything even-steven, tit-for-tat, don't you think?" Dr Esse asked.

"My Dad says 'If you're always trying to get even, you never get ahead!'" the boy in back said.

"And maybe there's still more than that. Anyway, I think that child's answer shows she's ready for the next stage in Friend and Other Value- making and Value-keeping."

Mr. Moore said " O.K. O.K. I'm going to be devil's advocate again. Maybe all that's happening is that the selfishness Cynthia saw in the kids' answers have become more complicated. As kids grow up, first they figure out in order to get what they want they have to wait their turn and share, then they figure out it's in their self interest to sometimes be nice even when other kids are mean because there will be a reward from some grown-up along the way. Then maybe they earn their own praise and approval by being nice."

"Yeah, my Mom says people usually act in their own self- interest," Aaron said.

"It's like sucking up to people." Aaron glared at Cynthia just then. She glared back at him. Dr. Esse and Mr. Moore pretended not to notice.

"Self is a powerful force in all of us, it's true. But it's not the only force there is, or else it includes being able to sacrifice self for others. Being able to sacrifice self for others, to put others' needs before needs of ourselves is also part of being human. Part of the way humans flourish is called altruism. And it shapes conscience in ways that selfishness- or simple self interest - just don't. Listen to what some kids who were the same age as you are now, at Stage Three, said about this."

"One person told us that her don'ts included not quarreling. She said her best reason for not quarreling was because she didn't want to hurt other persons' feelings. Someone else said he used to call his brother names but didn't anymore because he knew it was mean. There is empathy at work in those answers. And there's altruism at work changing The Golden Rule too: a person treats others well, hoping but not demanding, that he or she will also find kindness and help from others. And sometimes no return is expected at all. Just as Mr. Moore said when he was the devil's advocate, there is a satisfaction in doing a good deed because it builds up a moral reputation inside: seeing oneself as being a kind and helpful individual. That requires a certain amount of moral privacy. Sometimes, if you tell the good deed to others it's even spoiled a little or maybe you become embarrassed if others find out."

"You mean ashamed of being good - because it's not cool? Cause a lot of times people look at me weird because they're not used to other kids in school doing anything good...sometimes they just glare at me," Cynthia said.

To his credit, Aaron made only one sucking sound. To her credit, Cynthia appeared not to notice. Actually she smiled a little to herself, she thought that she could tell now when Aaron was mostly kidding her.

Dr. Esse said, " Let me see if I can summarize what we've talked about today. We started with Do's and Don'ts, rules, all ones you or kids like you told us were your rules, and we separated them into Authority rules, Self rules and Other rules, then we looked at how each rule comes with reasons for following it and often enough reasons for not following it. We also saw how the Golden Rule itself changes in how we understand it as we grow up. Then we followed our reasoning about rules like a pathway to our values about Authority, Self and Others, that includes our friends and brothers and sisters. And Mr. Moore gave us a personal example of how his own values pointed him in different directions during the Vietnam War. I think we know that sometimes there are choices to be made between Right and Wrong. Though Mr. Moore thought the war in Vietnam was wrong, he also had to decide if it was right for him to go there to help troops come home as safely as possible. One writer, a newspaper editor named Rushworth Kidder, described how there can be different values in conflict within the same person. Sometimes we must choose between right and right not just right and wrong. Mr. Kidder says that the Right vs. Right choices is usually about one of four super rules called principles : truth vs. loyalty, the individual vs. the community, what's good for today vs. what's good for the future and justice vs. mercy. Now whenever you see that little 'v' and little 's' together it means 'versus',

Aaron interrupted , " like a contest, or a race between one skate boarder and another."

"Right, one against the other, and 'v-s' is a signal that there are different directions to take, different ways to make a choice, but the choice doesn't always have to be all one way and not the other. Sometimes there is a middle path that can be taken. Mr. Moore took the middle path in his decision-making about Vietnam."

"Making choices can be really hard," Jamie said. " I have trouble choosing what to wear and what breakfast cereal to eat. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to make choices about Right vs. Right like Mr. Moore."

"I think it's better to begin practicing when you're young," Dr. Esse said. "The practice of choosing right over wrong and choosing among values, finding a middle way when there is a question of Right vs. Right , is called becoming virtuous. Virtue is putting values into practice. It doesn't come without making choices and living with the consequences. It doesn't come without exercising will power."

"We talked before how values and choices are as important to understanding the human mind as are thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings and values and choices are all connected. They all need the brain to happen and they all change the brain, too. How we practice choosing according to our values set up and strengthens connections among the nerve cells in our brains making brain pathways that determine some of our behavior. Now I can write the last set of questions from our study.

Does your conscience change as you grow? How?

Before Dr. Esse could set her magic marker down, there was a loud knock on the door. Mr. Moore opened it and was immediately faced with several parents as well as the principal of the school. Mrs. Hanover, the president of the PTA was there. So was Keith's father. " Mr. Moore," said the principal, we don't want to disturb your club meeting but Mrs. Hanover is here representing the PTA. She came at my request. There have been lots of parents worried about the safety of their children in our school. In fact the office telephones are ringing off their hooks-"

Mrs. Hanover interrupted, " Yes Mr. Moore, I'm also hearing from a lot of concerned and some angry parents. They want some disciplinary action taken now--"

Keith's father spoke up. " It's a tempest in a teapot. Sure Keith shouldn't have had the knife. He knows that. He would never hurt anybody with it."

" I don't know about that," another parent said angrily, " It's pretty vicious looking and it's a stolen weapon after all. The sheriff thinks so, anyway. It matches the description of a weapon that was stolen from an exhibit at the martial arts school in the Village."

"Well, Keith didn't steal it . Keith doesn't steal," his father insisted.

"Then where did he get the weapon, I want to know?" asked another parent.

"I don't know where he got the weapon," said Keith's father miserably. " I can't get him to tell."

"Well then, he stole it--"

"No way!"

"If you don't make an example of this kid, things are going to get worse and worse until we have deliberate fire-setting and shootings in middle school as often as we do at the high school."

Mr. Moore stepped in. "Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let's not have this conversation in the hall. That's not right--there are kids inside who can hear us clearly."

" I can."

Everyone turned to look. It was Aaron. He looked scared. Dr. Esse was behind him, her hand on his shoulder.

"Aaron?" asked Aaron's mother as she stepped forward. " Aaron what do you know about this?"

" Keith didn't steal the weapon," Aaron said.

" How do you know that, Aaron?" Mrs. Hanover asked.

Aaron looked at his feet, then at Dr. Esse. " I promised I wouldn't tell. I promised." She patted him on the shoulder once but said nothing.

Aaron continued, "Keith bought the weapon from a guy in the Village, near the magic card shop."

"What? What were you doing there? You know that that part of the Village is strictly off limits to you, young man," Aaron's Mom looked ready to spit nails."

Mrs. Hanover asked, " Aaron, do you know why Keith wanted the weapon?"

"He's into martial arts," Aaron shrugged. "Lots of guys collect martial arts weapons."

"So why did he take it to school? You kids know better than that," another parent said.

"He bought it on the way home from school. He must've stuck it in his book-bag and forgot to take it out," Keith's father said.

"Hmm. Maybe," said the principal. " I think I need to talk more with Keith."

"And I need to talk more with Aaron, " Aaron's mother took him by the hand. "If you are done with him, I'd like to get started."

"See you later, Mr. Moore," Aaron said. " See you, Dr. Esse."

" See you later, Aaron," said Dr. Esse. "I'm glad you spoke up to help Keith."

" Something tells me you know a lot more about this than you've told me, Dr. Esse." The principal suggested.

" I had to keep my promise of confidentiality, even if that wasn't best for Aaron or Keith. That was the agreement when we started the Conscience Club. Anyway, Aaron came through with flying colors, I thought," explained Dr. Esse.

So did Jamie and Cynthia, eavesdropping at the door again. They were both really proud of Aaron.

§

Holding Michael's hand in hers, Cynthia knocked on the master bedroom door.

She heard Mrs. Fairchild answer, "Yes, what is it?" Then the door opened as Mrs. Fairchild tried with one hand to secure her earring. " Oh, it's you Cynthia, what can I do for you honey?"

" I don't want to make you late for your evening out with Mr. Fairchild, but I need to talk to you, Mrs. Fairchild," Cynthia began. "A while back when I was babysitting Michael and Cathy something happened that you should know."

"Yes?" asked Mrs. Fairchild, looking suddenly alarmed. Parents are never entirely trusting of babysitters, Cynthia figured. "Now, Mrs. Fairchild probably thinks I abused her kids--I'd better get this over with," she thought to herself, feeling more and more queasy. "It's that I should have told you right away.... Anyway, while I was busy with an assignment, I lost track of Michael. And he drew in your closet---here I'll show you." Taking a reluctant Michael in tow and followed close behind by Mrs. Fairchild, Cynthia led the way to the closet. She drew back the skirts on hangers and started to say, " Here--".

To Cynthia's surprise, Michael's picture was gone. In fact , the closet was painted in a whole new shade of blue. "Then you knew about Michael's drawing?"

"Michael's drawing ? What are you talking about, Cynthia? I don't understand." For just a moment, Cynthia wondered if she couldn't just say "never mind." After all, no harm done if Mrs. Fairchild hadn't even noticed Michael's conscience drawing on the closet wall. Then she told Mrs. Fairchild what had happened.

" Really? Michael drew a picture of his conscience?" Mrs. Fairchild said. Cynthia thought she looked much more relaxed than a moment ago. " The painters finally came. I don't know how many times I waited at home for them to show up. I'll never use them again! When they finally called to say they could do the painting, I couldn't even be here to empty the closet. I had to ask a friend of mind to help take the clothes out. So, I never saw the drawing at all....."

Michael finally remembered his picture and pointed to the wall where it had been, " My Wish Consin," he said. " It' gone. That's a shame."

"Michael, you know better than to draw on walls. Don't ever let me catch you doing it, or you'll never see a magic marker again." Michael's lower lip started to quiver a bit. Then Mrs. Fairchild said, "Ooh, it's O.K. , honey, no harm done. Cynthia, why don't you take Michael downstairs and get him a cookie and some milk. I really have to hurry."

"O.K." Cynthia said .

"Cynthia?" Mrs. Fairchild poked her head out the door. "It was good you told me. I'm glad you did."

"It's not the drawing so much," Cynthia realized as she said it. "I was supposed to be watching Michael, and I wasn't. Something even worse could have happened," Cynthia said, noticing that her voice cracked just a little. "I 'm sorry."

"Well I see your point, Cynthia. But I can't believe Michael was gone very long before you noticed him missing and got up to look. And no harm was done. So don't worry about it anymore, O.K.? You' re the best babysitter I've ever had."

Those were the exact words that Cynthia wanted to hear just then. She felt so relieved and deeply grateful for the kind reassurance from Mrs. Fairchild. She guessed she did worry too much. After all, no harm was done.

Even so, it was maybe a good thing that the phone didn't ring in the Fairchild's home that night. If Cynthia had answered it, she surely would have seen the bill for the paint job on the kitchen desk right beside the phone. The painter had written "Master Bedroom Closet -- Mrs. Fairchild wants two coats, dark blue, to cover magic marker scribbles. $220.00 paid in full."

§

"You're walking too fast," Rachel complained to Cynthia. They were on their way to Dr. Esse's. " Why is Dr. Esse having a party anyway? Is it her birthday? I'll bet she's ancient."

"No , it's nobody's birthday," Cynthia said. " And hurry now or we'll be late."

"Well?" persisted Rachel.

"Well, what ?" said Cynthia a little exasperated that Rachel had stopped to feed the ducks near the canal.

"Well, if it's not somebody's birthday is she going away or something ?"

"No, I don't think she's going away. Have you heard of the word 'conscience'?"

"Have I heard the word 'conscience'? Hello...all I hear anymore is conscience this and conscience that--Dr Esse had me do that conscience interview, remember?"

"Oh yeah, she did, didn't she? Well, I asked Dr. Esse if we could have a party to celebrate the end of the Conscience Club. She said we could do that but maybe it would be even better to celebrate conscience, especially how it changes us and then let's us change it."

"Conscience? Who wants to celebrate that old thing ?" Rachel was not sure about this party at all. " Besides her house makes me dizzy."

"You are really weird, Rachel. Why does her house make you dizzy?"

"It's the different levels. It makes you step up then step down. That's what does it !"

"Well, we're having the party outside her house in a little park by the canal. So you won't have to feel dizzy, O.K.? Dr. Esse said she's even found a story teller for the party."

Cynthia felt her pocket again for the little toy she'd stopped at McDonald's to get for Rachel. For a moment she wondered if she should kind of bribe Rachel to go along to the conscience celebration without complaining. Then she decided that she wouldn't do that . "No strings attached," she told herself. " Rachel, I have something I want to give you."

Rachel was immediately suspicious. Was Cynthia about to hit her? Had Cynthia discovered her missing hair bands in Rachel's drawer? What about that old pop-up book about Space that Cynthia said was a Christmas present when she was little- could she have found that hidden in the bottom of Rachel's treasure chest ? She backed away. "What?"

"It's the new toy from McDonald's you wanted. Here," Cynthia pulled out the toy from her pocket and handed it over to Rachel.

Cynthia said, "I know you voted to go to McDonald's last Saturday when Mom took us out to lunch. But we wanted Chinese instead. So you might not have a chance to get this toy. It's for a limited time only."

"Thanks, Cynthi," Rachel said, accepting the toy. They watched the ducks for awhile. "Cynthi ?" Rachel broke the silence.

"Yes?"

"Is all this conscience stuff O.K. ? I mean is it O.K. with the Church that Dr. Esse is studying it ?"

"Dr. Esse isn't Catholic. So I don't think she's worried about that one bit," Cynthia answered but then became thoughtful. " I really wondered that myself. You know because conscience is very close to the soul and all. So I asked Father Charlie."

" Oh, Father Charlie would know the answer, all right." Rachel said a little gravely. "He's very smart you know."

"Father Charlie told me that what Dr. Esse is doing is science, studying human nature. He said that God's grace builds on nature. He said that he thought God means for us to understand as much about nature, even human nature, as we possibly can. If we do, we'll appreciate God's Mysteries even more."

Just then coming around the corner, they saw Aaron. He waved and came closer.

"Aaron, hi," Cynthia was surprised to see him. " Aren't you still grounded ?"

"Yeah", Aaron said. " But I have permission to go to the party."

"We're going there too," said Rachel. Cynthia nodded and smiled at Aaron.

"I'm also allowed out to help train those puppies I told you about."

"Where's your skateboard, Aaron ?" asked Rachel, a little mischievously.

"I don't think I'll get to use my skateboard again before I'm twenty-one," Aaron said sadly.

Rachel showed Aaron her new toy, "Look what Cynthia brought me from McDonald's."

Aaron looked at the toy and shrugged. "Hey Rachel, do your parents ever take you and Cynthia to one of those restaurants where kids over 12 get to eat kids under 12 for free?" He snapped his teeth menacingly at Rachel. Cynthia laughed. Rachel stuck her tongue out at Aaron.

They were at Dr. Esse's before they knew it. Mr. Moore was there and so was Jamie. Cynthia was really surprised to see Keith. He was still suspended. "At least he hadn't been expelled, thank goodness," Cynthia thought. Keith was showing Mr. Moore some forms he had learned in Tae Kwon Do. It was hard to do because Izzie was with him and he had to keep an eye on her so she wouldn't wander too close to the canal. He repeated their Mom's warning about the undertow in some places in the canal, though the surface was very still. Izzy misunderstood her brother and kept warning everyone to look out for a terrible undertoad that might hop out of the canal at any moment."

Mr. Moore said " Keith, I think Izzie would make a great storyteller for today's party."

Izzie's story would have been a short one. She tugged on Keith's sleeve and whispered, " Purpo?"

Dr. Esse said, " It just so happens sparkling purpo is the drink of the day." Izzie accepted her drink with a simple 'thanks' grunted into her cup.

Before the storyteller arrived, Aaron had a chance to talk to Keith . Aaron wanted Keith to know Aaron wasn't a snitch. To Aaron's surprise, Keith thanked him. " I could've been in worse trouble if it hadn't been for you," he said. " You were a friend." Aaron decided that Keith wasn't bad for a geography geek--maybe he wasn't a geek after all. In fact he decided he wouldn't use the word 'geek' to describe anyone again.

Meanwhile Mr. Moore had a chance to talk to Dr. Esse. " You told us the questions that you wanted to answer when you started to study conscience. But why those questions? After all your study doesn't tell a person what values to make or keep--"

Rachel overheard the two grown-ups talking. She reminded herself not to interrupt but thought almost out loud, " How do you know from asking a bunch of kids that conscience is a good thing ? Or even how do you know from asking kids about their consciences that conscience is a good thing?" said Dr. Esse as if she had read Rachel's mind.

Mr. Moore nodded.

Dr. Esse continued, "Knowing about how conscience grows and changes isn't necessarily a good thing. It depends who knows it and what they do with that knowledge. And I can't tell just by learning how conscience grows and changes that conscience itself is a good thing. I believe it is when it is properly nourished. That's where I have to go on beyond studying conscience, to listening to my own and making and keeping my own values. And even then some of those values depend upon beliefs that aren't my conscience but give my conscience meaning and value. We study how conscience allows us to give moral meanings to life, to make and keep values and choose according to them. I believe there is also meaning and value in our being able to do just that. I think that it's very important - valuable- to understand how we grow morally to appreciate and respect that process in each other even if we don't make and keep the same values. That's a value I have that leads me to do research. I'm also a doctor who has healing values. So I try to be on the side of healing when there's interference with growth. And, like you, I'm also a grown-up who likes to see children flourish. I hope much, much, more than we ourselves have."

"I think every parent has that same hope. It's the same for a teacher who really examines why he or she teaches," said Mr. Moore. "I hope that others share your value that learning about our nature is a good thing. But don't you think there are at least some values people will find we all have in common?"

Dr. Esse nodded vigorously, " Yes, yes I do--the Conscience Study researchers refer to those as the bedrock values. Some philosophers refer to them as intrinsic values. Remember Aaron's conscience drawing with the bridge over the canal? The question you just asked is a question about whether we use at least some of the same bridges set in the same foundations to cross the gap between facts about our nature on one side and values we hold on the other. Well, just think about it. If you decided to value the different parts of our nature that we've been talking about --the different domains of conscience."

"Well, wait, don't tell me what the bedrock values are...."Mr. Moore mused,

" 'Bed rock values' makes me think of Jamie's Conscience Rocks. Hmm...I think of being connected for the domain of moral attachment. I think of having freedom and being responsible for oneself for the domain of moral volition. I'll have to think more about the other domains. O.K. But back to the question why there is a conscience and is it really any good?"

"I think that's really on beyond conscience- on beyond the study of how conscience grows and works . It's religion for some and philosophy for others. Some say it's life's creative force. I don't pretend to understand it," Dr. Esse laughed.

Rachel listened closely, but only for awhile. She didn't understand it all, but she figured Dr. Esse and Mr. Moore would be around to explain it when she was older. She figured if the two of them had anything to say about it there would still be a Conscience Club by the time she went to middle school. She thought, " Even if there isn't a conscience club, there'll still be Mom and Dad and Father Charlie and ---"

She hadn't finished her thought when Cynthia came by and took her hand saying, " Come on, Rachel, the storyteller is here!"

"Mom and Dad and Father Charlie ... yes and Cynthia, too." Rachel finished her thought before she ran off with her sister.

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